Notebook Surprises

It's finals time and for me, that means locking myself up in my room, lighting some candles, listening to internet radio 24/7 and drinking lots and lots of tea. It also eventually leads to one of my favorite activities- tossing all my notes and assignments into the trash (of course, some of them I chose to keep but this is very rare) and walking away in freedom once that final exam has been written. Today I was sorting through my binder and I found a random page of loose leaf that I had written on during one of my oh-so-boring classes (undoubtedly astronomy 162). Here's what it said:

He must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23

"In every stage of the spiritual life, there is a variety of hindrances to attaining grace or growing in it. Yet, all are resolvable into these general ones: Either we do not deny ourselves or we do not take up our cross." -John Wesley

Conviction.
Where is my denial?
I am permitting all.
Lord, forgive me.

It's funny how the same conviction that led me to write 'I am permitting all" is hitting me just as hard today as it apparently did during this random moment during class. Although God says that "Everything is permissible", sometimes I get carried away and allow this freedom to rule in my life such that I lose sight of the discipline and obedience that flow from a heart set on loving and worshiping God because He is Above all else. Obedience is not legalism when it is Christ-centered and love-filled and sometimes I need the reminder that Yes, Christ has set me free, but now, what will I do with this freedom? Worship Him and not myself. That's the kind of freedom the Lord created us for. I pray that this conviction doesn't get tossed away alongside the rest of my notes but that it stays on my heart and leads me to denial, taking up my cross and following Him daily.